So its Thanksgiving. Wow, this year has gone by so stinkin fast i cant even believe it! While reading fb posts about Thanksgiving, i realized how often i was thankful for just "Friends family and life". This year i realized how much you can truly be thankful for if your thankful everyday.
Over the past year ive been blessed both with blessings and hardships. And i took everything with a thankful heart. Its been a crazy rollercoaster but God has been so faithful and gracious to me. Im sure if i wrote down everything(well that i can remember) I'll be writing forever so I'll only write my top things for being Greatful this year. [:
-For having God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit by my side every second of my life. Nothing could be better. -For the people who fought for my freedom so i could enjoy all of this. -For having a loving amazing family. Even with all the rough edges, i wouldnt change it for the world. -For Devanincus Whitacre -Been my bestfriend for a year and it seems like lifetimes. You've helped me more than i could ever image and im truly greatful. Diane Woodard - Di, we've been best friends since 7th Grade and wow, you have blessed me each and every day. Im so thankful to have you in my life, i dont know what i'd do without you twin. I dub you. [; Kayla Rouse- Cousin we have literally been through everything together and you have always been there. Im so glad we have the relationship we have. Close family Eh Eh [; haha. There have been laughs, tears, breakdowns, crazies, but we always have each others backs. Mm. Couldnt ask for better friends. -For Joel and Jacq, you have gone above and beyond. Your truly my family and i love you guys so much. im truly thankful for you guys laughing enjoying my goodtimes and putting up with me in my bad. You've seen all sides of me and i couldnt ask for better Mentors,friends, or Family. I love you. -For Ignite. Gave me the relationship i desired with God, but also gave me forever lasting friendships. Nick Jauken, Karissa Jimison, Michelle Sparks, Aaron, James, Katy, Leah, Josh, Alyssa, and so much more. Wow its been insane how many friends you can make in such a short time and know them more than you know even family members. -For the life i've been given. The ups and downs no matter what is been amazing. I truly would not be the person i am today without any of them. -For my other friends/church family in Cali. Life has gotten brighter because of you. -For moving out to Washington. Wow, its been tough. Lonely mostly, but i have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams since being here. I have a great host family who makes bomb food and loves the Lord. Gotten closer with Amanda in ways i never thought i would. God has provided me with literally everything ive needed since being here. A job, postbox(tosendmail), Bank, Ride(car&bus), all in a matter of a parking lot. Its been mindboggling. Crazy. Hes blessed me with 2 friends so far and for which im am so blessed to know. Nathan and Andrew-Im laughing now just typing thier names, they are such characters! Also the family i moved my way into - all sides have welcomed me with open open arms and have loved on me in more ways that is understandable. Ha. Also just growing up and becoming an adult in general-its been so fun!
Wow i am just stinkin blessed. I could go on and on but it would take ages and The infamous Hess Thanksgiving is about to start.
I love you. Im thankful for you. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Second. Read: Tonight during a night of worship at youth group God taught me soo much about his love and who he is. It was absolutely amazing and mind blowing.
It started by me praying for some of my best friends(though i only got through 2). They have been going through a lot and i just felt like i needed to pray and pray hard. I started out with bf#1 praying for things going on in their life and struggles/addictions and then moved on to bf#2 and once i started praying for #2 it was crazy. I was praying against some of the things holding them back and praying for some of their struggles and God showed me just a hair (literally the width of a strand of hair) of how much Heloves #2. It was completely heart wrenching and mind-blowing. Throughout feeling some of Hislove for #2 i felt like my heart was going to explode! It was the best feeling ever. He showed me how He sees my friend. Every hair on their head, every freckle painted on their skin, every musckle in their body, even their rosey cheeks (<3) were formed and made perfectly just the way God wanted them to be. He made #2 beautiful. He then to proceed to also show me how proud He was of my friend. It was beautiful......just beautiful.
Then "How He Loves" came on. Every time i hear this song, i feel like dancing. And to show you a piece of my heart, this song is Jesus' and mine. Every time it comes on we dance together. Its my favorite thing in the world, i love it. During the song though I was holding a sleeping Gabe, Joel and Jacq's babeh, (he slept all through the blasting worship music only to wake up after it was over to see everyone leave. It was hilarious!) I decided to stand up and dance with Jesus anyways. As soon as i started dancing and singing to the song. God started showing me more of his love. I was dancing there holding Gabe, kissing his head during the breaks in the lyrics, making sure he was comfortable in my arms, praying he was warm enough, protecting him, praying for protection on his life and family, loving him, knowing that no matter how long or how tight i hold and wish he doesn't get hurt i know in my heart he will. This is how God loves and holds us. Hes our Daddy. He holds us and rocks us to sleep every night. He kisses our foreheads and cheeks. He wants us to be comfortable and content in His arms. He protects us. He wants nothing more than for us to stay in His safe loving arms away from harm, away from hurts. He doesn't want anything to happen to us. Regardless, He can foresee every scar, every heartbreak, every bruise, every hurt that will come in our path and wishes it wouldn't happen but knows no matter what, no matter that he is our Father, no matter if he tells us No, he can do nothing to stop it, because its something we need to learn. Its how we grow. How we learn to love. All he can do is love us. And He's so good at it. Hes soo soo good at loving us. Every time we push our Daddy away to do our own thing, he's always right there to pick us up when we fall and get hurt. He loves our hurts away. He just loves us. Makes us feel better.
God is our Daddy. But He's the perfect dad. He might get angry but quickly forgives, when we disobey Him, He takes us back with open arms. He has unconditional love for us. It never wavers, only get stronger with each passing second.
He made you Perfect.Every hair on your head was placed with confidence. Perfectly. Every freckle painted on your skin was put there with every part of his being. Perfectly. Every musckle in your body was formed with the best of the best skill. Perfectly. The color of your eyes and skin were picked for beauty just for you. Perfectly. You were carved with love, joy, confidence, longing, adoration, everything in his mind was the best. Perfect. Everything with you in mind.
So tonight in youth group, i realized something. I haven't laughed in a long time. Like truly genuinely laughed. Now i know, "Megan not laughing?! Blasphemy!!" But its true. Now i giggle, but its really half-hearted, and i chuckle at things here and there but im not really laughing. Im just going through the motions, putting a smile on my face.
Lately, lots of people have been asking me if i miss Ignite, and wish i was there still. There are two answers to this question. Yes i miss Ignite. No i do not wish i was still in it. I loved Ignite, it was the second best thing that's happened to me in all my life, (the first being: Meeting Joel&Jacq and finding Jesus!) but im glad im done with it. (for my first year at least[;) It stretched me, taught me, found me, and strengthened me. It changed my life. I found true friends, who God/Jesus/Holy Spirit are in every aspect in my life. How they talk to me, teach me, form me, love me, protect me. I found out who the real me was. Not just this person who was putting a smile on everyone's face, to make them feel more comfortable to like me, for who they though i was. The rules, as great as they were...stunk quite a bit at times, especially cause they never waved them..even if it was for a "Jesus moment." Haha. But because of the unwavering, it helped me be disciplined.
I extremely miss Ignite for the fellowship and Jesus aspect. People there saw me. The real me. They heard me. It was refeshing. Jesus is everywhere you look. In everything you do. It was the first place i felt normal. Everyone wanted to do exactly what i wanted to do, had struggles they were facing, loved Jesus and wanted to love him even more. It was amazing. It was home. Family. We all were seeking Jesus. We all want to change the world bring it closer to Gods Kingdom. Bring the joy and love that we feel everyday, to the darkest parts of our world. Make them Shine. Make them Laugh. Make them Love. Joy was the ultimate feeling i had there, other than love. Love just fueled my joy even more though. I was genuinely loved there. I laughed constantly. It was heaven..or close to it. [:
Its crazy seeing going from a family who knows me, loves me and sees me, to a family who loves me with restrictions, sees me when they need me, knows only what they want to see, has had such a big impact on my life. I slowly realized that its not the people that stop my laughing but its me. My Joy comes from the Lord. I've been told that my whole life. From many different people, christian and non-christian. God is the biggest part of who i am. I called Ignite my "save haven" it was my sanctuary. It was a place where i didnt have to be afraid to show my true colors. It was a place i could lay everything on the table and say "this is me!", and everyone would say "Awesome! lets go to Yogurtland and then have quick worship sesh!" At home i have to keep everything i am in a box. Its something that ive always known, but never understood why i had to do it. Around my friends i am Megs. Crazy, Joyful, Spunky, a dork, real. Around my family i am "MEGAN ELISE CUMMINGS!!!" lazy, rude, uninvolved/too involved, never does anything right, fake. I'm done being fake. I'm done putting a smile on my face. Laughing isnt just something that i do. Its how i live. Its why i see the cup as half full. It makes my day brighter. I need to get away and make sure i have that real time. It stinks that i cant be me with my family, but im also thankful for it. Im thankful because even though im in a place where i cant be real, God gives me real places. I have friends and "family" where i can be real. I have my best friends. I have my church family, i have my Hess' family, I have Jesus. I can be me. I can be real, no matter where i am.
Going back to youth group-the Holy Spirit showed up in a huge way tonight. It was absolutly amazing. He filled our hearts. Most of us Laughed, a few wept. We laughed for an hour straight. So much, so hard. My whole body ached. It was the best thing in months. I literally laughed off layers and layers of ice that has been building on my heart since being home. It was a much need feeling and eye opener. I laughed and laughed, at literally nothing. Nothing but the fact that God is amazing. I laughed until i cried, and then cried until i laughed. Funniest feeling ever! Ive been going through a lot of stuff lately, friend drama, responsibilities, growing up/becoming an adult, family crudola. Crazy stuff and ive been stuck in it. Stuck in a half empty day. Tonight God showed me how to change it to a half-full day. Pray, let God, Laugh. That is how i will put a smile on my face; Pray, let God, laugh.
